What do I do? What should I say? I don't know how to help!

In times of crisis it can be hard to know what to say. When the crime is one as sensitive as sexual violence, or dating violence it can be especially hard. Many people feel like they say the wrong thing and make the survivor feel worse.

We get a lot of calls from mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, spouses and boyfriends who are crippled by their loved ones assault or abuse.

Common reactions to another's abuse are:

ANGER

FEAR

FRUSTRATION

HELPLESSNESS

It's ok to seek help for yourself. Those who help others need support for themselves too.

First, a little background about being a survivor.

GUILT, FEAR, ANGER, SELF-BLAMING

Not to mention that each person reacts to the assault differently. Some people move into themselves, become isolated, and depressed while others may act like nothing has happened while changing their behaviors in small ways or having nightmares (flashbacks of the event) that keep them from sleeping.

For many survivors fear and guilt keep them from reaching out to anyone for support. Some keep the assault to themselves for months or even years for fear of not being believed or being blamed by those they love.

So what can you do to help?

LISTEN!! 

If s/he is finally talking about the incident just listen without any judgment or bias. Urge the person to get help from a professional, either through a rape crisis center or a trained therapist.

Even though it may be tempting, do not pressure this person to file charges. Rape takes away a victim's power and the control he or she takes in other aspects of life can help to gain that back. Tell her you will support her no matter what happens and that you are not judging her for what happened. IT WASN'T HIS OR HER FAULT!  

Finally, take care of yourself. Address your own issues with a counselor or therapist. It's ok to get help for yourself in dealing with the assault of someone you love.

If you need help. Please contact us. We can help.