Domestic Violence (DV) 1 in 4 women will experience violence from a partner at some point in their lives. What is domestic violence? Domestic violence (DV) is an abusive behavior that one person uses against another to harm: emotionally, physically, sexually, or psychologically. It can occur in all kinds of relationships including gay, lesbian, heterosexual, and teenage relationships. It can occur in any community, economic class or culture. Statistically the majority of victims are women. But it can happen to men too. Affects of DV on
children: Domestic violence in the home also has
many physical and emotional effects on children; such as post-traumatic
stress disorder, bedwetting, and nightmares. They can exhibit more
aggression and/or antisocial behavior than typical children. Also, as a
result of exposure to DV , health disorders may occur such as: allergies, asthma,
headaches, flu, gastrointestinal problems, anxiety, depression, and
temperament problems. Lower cognitive functioning in children has also
been linked to DV exposure. So how do I know if my relationship is abusive? Do you: Feel like you must defend things you do or don't do to avoid your partner's anger? Find your communication with family and friends becoming less often? Notice some of your social interests have become a threat to your relationship? Spend your days "walking on eggshells" waiting for the next burst of violence or anger? Have you been... Hit, shoved, kicked, burned, slapped, choked, thrown down or had things thrown at you by your partner? Has your partner.... Threatened to kill you, take the children, hurt the children, or kill a pet if you leave? Stalked you at work or when you are with friends or with family to make sure you are where you said you'd be? Forced you to perform any sexual acts against your will? If you have answered Yes to any of these questions you may be in a relationship with an abusive partner. You are not alone! The majority of victims never see the abuse coming until it's too late. Batterers are often very charming and attentive while in the initial stage of the relationship. It is common after a commitment to the relationship (having a baby, getting married, moving in together) that the abuse begins or becomes more violent. It is common after the first incident (whether it be physical or emotional) for the victim to think "My partner will change, it will never happen again, etc." For a little while it does get better, this is called the honeymoon phase, but then something sets the batterer off and there is another incident. The period between the honeymoon phase and the abusive period is called a period of "walking on eggshells." Wondering when the next incident will occur and trying to do anything possible to keep the other person from exploding. The problem with this period is that the abuse does not occur because you do something to deserve the abuse. Abusers abuse because of their own illness not because of something you did to "deserve" it. No one deserves to be treated this way. No matter what the victim of the abuse tries to do to keep the abuse from happening it will never be enough to keep the other person from being abusive again. What if I'm not ready to leave? Many victims in this position are unable to leave because of financial, legal, or emotional reasons. You can still receive services even if you decide to stay. However, there are some signs to look for when trying to assess your own safety and that of your children. If any of the following are occurring it could mean that your situation is becoming more dangerous:
Developing a safety plan: If you decide to stay in your relationship it may be a good idea to develop a safety plan. A safety plan can be used to provide you with contacts and resources you may need after a violent outburst or if you and your children need to go somewhere safe, fast. An advocate at RACSFL can help you devise a safety plan or you can do one yourself. After you put a safety plan in place make sure to keep it in a safe place where your batterer cannot find it. The most dangerous time for a victim is when she/he tries to leave a relationship with an abusive partner. Try to do the following:
If you are ready to get help please reach out. We are here 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Ontario/Seneca counties 1(800)247-7273 Yates county 1(315)536-2897 |